"For I was envious of the boastful.."

It’s funny how people turn out.  Growing up I was the black sheep-everyone’s family in my conservative baptist church were perfect homeschooled 8-kid families.  They went to church on Sunday, outreach club in the afternoons, and let’s not forget wednesday service (my family never quite found time for that).  Their parents had perfect marriages whereas my parents fought all the time. My Dad didn’t always come to church. Sometimes he drank.  My Mom had to go to work in the evenings. We listened to The Beatles and watched TV. I wore pants.  Something was always wrong with me growing up.  I always felt beneath everyone because my family were sinners and everyone else seemed perfect.

But I grew up, and things changed.  That couple who did marriage counseling had their own marriage fall apart.  That person who you always thought knew everything about God attempted suicide.  That perfect pastors kid was abused and no one knew anything about it for years. One of the girls from my childhood got pregnant out of wedlock.  Some kids turned away from God altogether. Some are plagued by awful relationships where they keep trying to find love in places that just won’t fill them up. That perfect business man fell into pedophelia.  Some cut. Some curse. Some smoke. Others got that stable family life, with a husband and kids. Or they got to travel like they always wanted to, or become a doctor, or maybe they gave up on the ones they were trying to encourage.

These are all things that were different then my “perfect” perception of Christianity, but that’s the thing. Christianity isn’t perfect. Jesus came to save imperfect people- people who spent their entire childhood pretending that life was perfect and sweeping the real problems under the rug as well as people who felt like the underdog their whole life. It turns out I’m not as different from everyone else as I once thought.

This afternoon this song by Francesca Battistelli came on shuffle and reminded me of what we really deal with in life. We need to be sensitive to real life and continuously push against the temptation to assume everyone is ok, because they’re not.  So take the time to ask how someone is really doing. Don’t assume that the perfect family in church is…well…perfect.  Make sure nothing funky is happening underneath.  We can’t uncover everything, God and time does that. Every quiet victory, every dirty deed, and every silent sorrow will be brought to light. The humble will be exalted and the evildoers will find their end. He promised. (Psalm 73)

"Behind The Scenes" by Francesca Battistelli

You may think I'm just fine
How could anything ever be out of line?
I take my time to set the stage
Make sure everything is all in place

Even though I've got the lines rehearsed
A picture only paints a thousand words

Things aren't always what they seem
You're only seeing part of me
There's more than you could ever know
Behind the scenes

I'm incomplete and I'm undone
But I suppose like everyone
There's so much more that's going on
Behind the scenes

Sometimes I can't see anything
Through the dark surrounding me
And at times I'm unsure about the ground
Beneath my feet, if it's safe and sound

When it's hard to find hope in the unseen
I have peace in knowing it will find me, yeah

Things aren't always what they seem
You're only seeing part of me
There's more than you could ever know
Behind the scenes

I'm incomplete and I'm undone
But I suppose like everyone
There's so much more that's going on
Behind the scenes

Things aren't always what they seem
You're only seeing part of me
There's more than you could ever know
Behind the scenes

I'm incomplete and I'm undone
But I suppose like everyone
There's so much more that's going on
Behind the scenes

You may think I'm just fine
How could anything ever be out of line?

Worth

I have to set something straight.

After just getting into a relationship a younger friend of 14 years old congratulated me and proceeded to say “I wish I had a boyfriend.” 

I asked her why she wanted one.

“Because I want someone to make me feel special.”

My heart instantly fell.  This shocked me as boyfriends were never something I NEEDED and certainly not at 14. Heck, I’m surprised it happened at 18.

I pictured myself at 14, and how public figures aimed at me effected me and how I thought.  As I progress into a public career in the entertainment industry it’s inevitable that people will look up to me.  And THE LAST thing I have ever wanted is for girls to think, “Well, Dorothy Marie has a boyfriend, I want one too. I need one to make me feel special.”

To all single people out there, old and young alike- You do not need a boyfriend to feel special.

Quite honestly, if you got a boyfriend who truly believes you are special, no matter what he says you still may not believe it. Being “special”  is not defined by boyfriends, friends, peer approval, circumstances, or looks.

We find our identity in Christ no matter what.  As much as I hate to say it-people will always fail you. As I’m learning, relationships are a beautiful thing when the people in them are seeking Jesus. And yes, being with someone can show you things you never thought you’d see-including having things you never thought were special about yourself revealed. It feels great, but it means nothing without a God and Savior to back it all up. As much importance as we put on what other people say, it doesn't matter one bit if they are not speaking truth into your life. 

 I’m writing this because I did not spend all those years before I wore eyeliner being ignored, or that time at summer camp when all the girls were talking to cute rugby boys and I had my capris and ponytail as I stayed in the back, all to sit back and allow my current situation to make anyone else feel bad. I've been that 14 year old who wanted to feel special and I found out that I didn't need a boyfriend to figure out that I was.  All I needed was a Man who died for me and who took the time to walk through every. single. heartbreak. A Man who is with me and lets me know that no matter what He is not letting go and has chosen me to be a part of His family. Now that I have a boyfriend, that same Man is using my boyfriend to speak truth into my life in even more ways. And that is sacred, special, and something worth waiting for.

I’m not writing this to downplay relationships, because I’m learning that they are not something to be downplayed. I’m writing this to encourage anyone who is where I was for so long- alone and wondering if you’ll ever be loved.  You already are.  And, if it’s best for you, He’ll give you someone  to “make you feel special” in new ways. If not, you are still worth more than anyone knows (no one knows because it is still being revealed in you) and He has another plan for showing those things to you. Don’t give up on yourself because Jesus never has and never will. Don’t settle for anything less than His absolute best because it’s not worth it.

YOU are worth it, not because of what you've done or what anyone says, but because of what you ARE: His. 

I Believe In This Post

Why do I listen to worthless things? Why do I continue to listen stupid music that I don't believe in.  Why don't I listen all the time to the music that MOVES me, that makes me want to curl up in a corner and cry because of it's beauty.  Why don't I support those artists and give my time, energy, and money to them?

If you want friends, you need to BE that friend you want.  Same with music. If I want support and to share my music with others and inspire, help, entertain, and love people- I need to BE the person who is inspired, helped, entertained, and loved.  Let myself go to concerts, and seriously enjoy it.  Let myself feel the beautiful music God has chosen to make appeal to me.  Live and breathe in it, write it, practice it, play it, sing it, perform it, watch it, research it.

Do what you believe in. Do what makes you happy! But most of all, let God BE your happiness.  Let every passion that burns inside you come from Him, and worship Him in all you do.  Realize that you can find beauty in everything-including what you're passionate about.  You don't have to be a pastor, or a pastor's wife, or a youth leader, or a missionary, or a counselor, or a worship leader, or even be in "Christian" music to be doing God's work.  God's work is when we follow The Great Commission and stay in His will.  We need to go into this world not judging everything by if it has the word "Christian" on it, but if it pleases God.  If it is beautiful, true, noble, worthy, of good-report. God made all things-THE EARTH IS THE LORD AND ALL ITS FULLNESS.  So make everything you touch, listen to, believe in, talk to, communicate with, live in, live with, take care of-everything- praise and honor our Great God.  Let our lives bleed His love and grace (dare I say acceptance?).

God is Good.
Jesus Saves.
The Spirit empowers.


Music I BELIEVE IN:
He Is We
NeedtoBreathe
Starts With Me-Tim Timmons:

Chris August

Mat Kearney

Ed Sheeran

Kelly Clarkson

Kara Della Valle

What It Means....to Be A Performer

Hello there!
It's Christmas Eve, and I'm leaving for SHINE in FOUR DAYS!!
Beyond excited :)

As I finished up my online training with AMTC and prepare myself to go before the judges/agents, I have a few things I'd like to share.

As it says, this post is about what I think it means to be a performer. A performer could be a comedian, dancer, singer, actor, musician. Anything really, As long as you are standing before a crowd and entertaining them. Maybe this is even applicable to speakers, too.

You've probably heard a lot of what I'm going to write. But I thought I'd share for people who are interested in my career what it means to be to be doing what I am doing.

The number one thing that holds true for me as a performer is my philosophy that performers (particularly musicians, I guess) don't get to have secrets.  Yes. I just said that.

We don't get to have the deepest fear inside of us that we try to very hard to keep anyone from seeing. We don't get to be upset with people for talking about our deepest parts. We don't get to be shocked and embarrassed when people find out our secrets.  We put it all on the line. We tell everyone in the entire world how we hurt, breathe, live. What our hopes and joys are.  How we really truly feel about love.  How our childhood was. The people that have done the most for us. Our greatest mistakes.
That is our job as a performer.  To show real life to people.  To be ourselves and nothing else.
We aim to make people feel our emotion and  to relate to what we are saying.

Now maybe this is just me. I've never been a cutter or suicidal...I imagine that's a very deep secret for most people.  Or maybe there's something else that you hide. And no matter what you will never let anyone see that part of you. That's cool. I'm not saying that's wrong. I'm just saying for me, I hold nothing back.  My OCD is hard for me to explain sometimes.  It's going to be hard to go in front of agents and tell them that I have mental issues.  But it's not about getting the job, cause God has that.  It's about praising Him and carrying His message into the world.

While watching Married to Jonas (cause yeah, I totally watched that show, and loved it) Kevin Jonas said the following about performing: If you hold even a little bit back, you're not doing you're job.
That is 100% true.  As a performer, I need to put it all there, all on the line.

Nick Jonas recently wrote a song called "Wedding Bells" and while introducing it in New York, he talked about how being a musician meant writing about he awkward things. He also said that this song was probably the most uncomfortable song he's written. By listening to the song he's talking about how the girl is getting married, and he really just wants to have a "Speak Now" moment and tell her that he doesn't want her to marry the other guy, he is still in love with her and wants to try again.  Clearly, the song is about Miley Cyrus.

What Nick wrote is inspiring to me.  That has got to be the worst song to sing.  So personal, so soothing for yourself, but it front of everyone? Knowing she's going to hear it? Humiliating.  But he has gained even more of my respect.

Now...second point...or...different point...whatever you wanna call it ;)

I read this in the AMTC training. Basically, it says that practice is work, but performing is play.  We do all the work, we work hard remembering scripts, working on songs, but once we get on stage-we know our material backwards and forwards and we let go. We have fun.  I love that! I really want to be able to simply have fun on stage-that's what it's all about!

Being a performer is hard. We don't get to be normal.  We are the ones who display emotions for people.  But that's also cool for us because we get to do what we love! Furthermore, we set boundaries.  We encourage people that it's okay to wear red lipstick like Taylor Swift. Or wear the latest trends.  People may not get it. They'll comment, talk about, or question it-but that's ok.  Cause God is preparing us for His stage. We stand as lights against the darkness of media.

The most exciting part about this for me is that I get to stand here and be one of those inspirational people.  I get to stand and repeat the words off of a card I received: Believe in your dreams and have the courage to make it happen. Your dream may not be exactly what you hoped, but dream of God first-and you will be fulfilled and happy.

DREAM ON,
    Dorothy Marie

P.S. Merry Christmas!!

Venting like a girl, yo.

Heyyyy

I'm blogging.
Because I'm frustrated.

I'm frustrated with people.
Because we are hard and judgmental.

I'm frustrated with my friends.
Because they can't fulfill me and I'll never be able to relate to my besties like they can with their brother or their other friends.

I'm frustrated with my family.
Because they ask tons of questions and I compare them to my friend's family way too much.

I'm frustrated with myself.
Because I'm a mean person and I don't change myself.


What's a girl to do?

"What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!" ~Romans 7:24-25

Incredibly Blessed

If you didn't already know, I got in a car accident on November 15.  I apparently didn't see the red light and ran it-crashing into someone.  I was T-boned and my car flipped on its side and bounced back up. A lot of people say I'm lucky to be alive.  It was a very traumatizing experience and I have had a hard time moving on with my life...but God is good.

A couple days afterwards (while I was away at a friends) my Mom called me and told me that someone had left an envelope in the mail with my name on it. The envelope contained $180- the exact amount of my traffic ticket.

I'm so blessed and thankful to whoever did this.  It was truly appreciated and I hope you know God loves you.

So...this could be a coincedence...but it just seemed happy....so I shall share this story with you. :)

I had seen some AMAZING BOOTS at Ross that I REALLY wanted. After the accident I just threw that idea out the window as I have no job but a small babysitting gig and a near $200 traffic ticket to pay.  But after the anonymous blessing, I decided I was going to go buy them! It bad been about 2 weeks since I first saw them and I wasn't sure if they'd still be there.  I walked into Ross and into the first shoe aisle. I didn't see the boots :( Then as I approached my shoe size, there was simply one pair just sitting right below the size sign.  Whether God did that, or it reminded me how good He is to me, I'm not sure-but either way it was a blessing. Now turned out Ross's sizes are switched around and those particular boots were too small for me but I found some in another section that fit me. So I got the boots ;).

Anyway, just wanted to share what I'm thankful for. :)

Hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving!


Forever His,
   Dorothy Marie <3 <3 <3

Post #21: Write About Someone You Look Up To

Oh look, remember this miserable little project I started, like, two years ago?  Well, I'm back at it again.

The person I look up to is Paige Armstrong. (Now Paige Omartian)

Her songs, blogs, and writings have inspired me to make the most of my life, follow my passion, and not waste my time.
http://www.titletrakk.com/music-interviews/paige-armstrong-interview.htm

That interview says way more than I can ^

Love!
    Dorothy Marie <3